So my trainer was here just a bit ago, and now I'm waiting for my cookies to come out of the oven. Yeah, I'm seriously baking cookies after a training session. I thought about cookies the whole time and now I'm going to have them.
And yes, thats a serious problem. But its not the big problem. The big problem is that I feel so horrible after each of these sessions. I know that a break can really take a wear on the body, but I'm just having a hard time dealing with the level of struggle I am facing. I can't do anything she asks me to do. Everything has to be modified to make it easier. I hate having to keep admitting that the exercise is too hard, or that my neck hurts, or that I cant make it to 15 reps ... etc. I want to just get better at it. I want to be stronger. I want to feel better about myself.
But I also have a bit of an uphill battle. Because I can work out as much as possible over the upcoming months but I still have to start all over again after baby #2 arrives. I know my recovery will be that much easier if I can build up what I've lost over the next few months, but sometimes I just think that I could just sit around for the next 20 weeks ... and then start fresh then.
And back to the cookies. So yeah, thats a problem. And while my trainer was here I let it slip that my (awesome) husband brought me McDonalds yesterday. The look on her face was close to horror. She started asking me about how often I eat McDonalds and if I know how much sodium is in it. Then she asked what I ate. I told her it was a double cheeseburger (I didnt even tell her I had the fries too) and she told me it "wasnt even real meat".
Ok, so I eat horribly and I am a big wuss. I also dont hydrate enough. I guess I have a host of problems. But I dont really feel bad about myself when I'm not hydrating or when I'm eating crappy. I sure do feel bad when I'm unable to complete a set of reps or lift a little weight or even do a modified push up.
Well, I finished my cookies and now I feel a little bit better. One step at a time I guess.