I sit here on a Sunday afternoon watching Brooke take a nap and wonder ... why am I not sleeping too? Instead I'm cleaning, doing laundry, and now blogging. I'm not a good napper and never was, no matter how tired I am I just cant settle in for a doze in the middle of the day. And if I do try to nap all I can think about is "when is Brooke going to wake up" or "what if Brooke needs me" and all the racing in my brain prevents any sort of real rest.
So top off the lack of sleep I get at night with my inability to catch up at all during the day and I often find myself in some sort of haze. This makes trying to attend a Stroller Strides class or do any sort of workout a daunting task. I dont have the energy, which creates a lack of desire, which leads to a lack of effort :) And even though I spend the time (where I could/should be at Stroller Strides) doing something dumb like surfing the internet, I just cant sacrifice any of my "relaxing" time. If Brooke is sleeping I just want a minute to myself ... I dont want to be at the gym.
Jeff asked me the other day about whether or not I would be joining a gym (I let my old membership expire) and how that would work with getting a sitter. He said something along the lines of how to arrange a sitter for just an hour. If you count an hour workout and 30 minutes to and from ... thats 2 hours. Then the fact that I dont want to be rushing or panicking about the sitter ... its most likely 3 hours. Right now I cant imagine hiring a sitter for 3 hours and spending that time going to the gym! There are so many other things that I have let slide since Brooke came, for example, I havent gotten a haircut in over 3 months :) So even looking into the future I still find the concept of scheduling time for working out just so intimidating. I know I just need to "get back on the horse" and I am sure that when I do get back into a routine I will laugh at how impossible it seemed to me as I type today, but for now I think I am going to spend a few more weeks just avoiding the whole situation.