December 29, 2009

I Am Not A Warrior

So, I signed up for this "Winter Warrior" program. And since then I have learned (or, come to admit) that I am not exactly a "Winter Warrior". In fact, I'm not a warrior of any sort. It's not just that I find running in the cold, snow and ice intimidating. I also dont really want to run at night. Or early in the day. Or after a big meal. Or after a hard day. Or when I have a hard day ahead of me. Or after a rough night with Brooke. Or when Brooke is sick/cranky/moody and I am just exhausted.

I guess I feel like running is meant for wonderful weather and a stress-free day with a couple hour hours to burn. It shouldnt be stressful. I shouldnt feel pressured. But, even with the stress and pressure, on those times I do get my butt into gear and find the warrior within, I know its all worth it.

Yet I sit here tonight in another bit of a panic. My husband is working late today and tomorrow (in addition to his early start). This means I have no choice but to run at 5AM (I do not feel that 9PM is an option no matter what). So I look at the weather forecast and see that its supposed to be 15 degrees, feeling like only 7 degrees tomorrow morning. 7 degrees is not so bad, but it is when its pitch black out. And its going on 9PM already and I dont know if I should just go to bed or sit here trying to think of reasons why I cant do a 5AM run tomorrow. Hmmm....what to do?

And just after I hit "publish post" I got an email from my Dissertation Advisor wanting to meet next Tuesday. Not only do I not have a sitter on Tuesdays, but I havent gotten a single thing done on my dissertation. I dont want to see him and have been doing my best to avoid him for the past few months in which I have been spinning in a dissertation whirlwind. Arrrh. So now I can panic about running and writing a dissertation. I'm definitely not gonna get any sleep tonight :(


Jess said...

Well, I don't envy having to run in 7 degree weather. That sounds awful, but I do hope you were able to get it done -- despite a surely sleepless night worry about the dissertation.

kilax said...

Ugh. You poor thing! I don't think anyone could be a winter warrior with your schedule! :( You're doing the best you can, and that is all that matters!